


my black heart in your hands

by cyberstevie, shoujokakumei



Series: That Soft and Fluffy Au Where Wednesday and Lydia are Girlfrienss [2]
Category: Addams Family - All Media Types, Beetlejuice - All Media Types, Beetlejuice - Perfect/Brown & King
Genre: 7, 8, Aka Lydia is Big Depressed and everyone is worried about her but she just keeps on going, Beetlebabes shippers DNI I'll steal your kneecaps, Big happy families, Chapter 6 is entirely skippable, Discussion of canon child marriage I guess?, Discussion of canon murder, Discussion of canon sexual harassment, Discussion of canon suicide attempt, Drug Use, F/F, F/M, Film Photography, Fluff, Goth gfs, Honestly 7 8 and 9 are too but may make some things confusing later, In this house we talk about our issues, Minor Swearing, Probably won't come up but Lydia is trans and Wednesday is nonbinary, Realistic Portrayal of Mental Illness, Spiders, Suicide Attempt, Suicide tw for chapter 6, The care and feeding of your pet sandworm, and 9 with 6 and 9 being the major ones, highschool sweethearts, uhhhhh what else
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2020-12-17 17:24:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 16,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21058172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyberstevie/pseuds/cyberstevie, https://archiveofourown.org/users/shoujokakumei/pseuds/shoujokakumei
Summary: Gay Goth Power Couple Time. Also found family shenanigans. The Addams don't come in until chapter 3, skip to there if you don't want post-musical exposition.





	1. He's baaaaaaaacckkkk

Highschool in Connecticut is lonely for Lydia Deetz. It wasn't on purpose, on the part of her peers at least. They were generally nice to her, others sat with her at lunch, when she took the anniversary of her mother's death off someone brought the work she was missing to her house, even with the rumors about how haunted it was still flying. It was just a small town. She just came in too late, at the point where everyone has their set groups and they don't really change. She could try harder, she figured, but what was the point? She'd be done in three years anyway, and she was just so tired most days even thinking about friendship was exhausting.

After all, it wasn't like she didn't have a nearly ridiculous number of caring parents at home.

And yet.

Here she was, in the middle of the woods near her house in a snowy clearing surrounded by blackberry brambles with a bulk box of kosher salt doing something, frankly, stupid, for friendship. Once she had laid a large, unbroken circle and it had sunk slightly into the snow, she sighed, pulling at her scarf. Sure, it had ended badly, but those three days last February had been the most fun she had since her mother died. And even after she killed him, he still saved them from Juno….

She moved to the center of her circle.

"Beetlejuice."

Nothing. No pop, no smell of dirt and formaldehyde and something nauseous. No one crawling out of the ground or the dinner table.

"Beetlejuice."

The air gained an electric tinge, like it was waiting for lightning to strike, but the world was still snow-still.

"Beetlejuice?"

He popped rather unceremoniously into existence right next to her, purple haired like when she first met him and besuited. She moved out of her circle before he could react.

Just in case.

"Scarecrow? You called me?"

She nodded. "Surprised you showed up, honestly. After. Everything, yaknow."

"I have to. It's not exactly a choice." He looked around, then eyed the box in her hands and the line in the snow. "Smart, though, not trusting me."

"I. I didn't know if you would be mad. Are you mad? You seem off."

"Let me out and you'll find out." He smiled, all teeth, menacingly.

"Y'know, I was gonna but uh-"

"Come on, I was kidding!"

"We can talk like this"

He sighed, and reclined on the air. "If you say so. You'll need to let me out eventually, I can't leave like this."

"Just for a while, it's too cold."

"I wouldn't know," there was some venom, but it seemed half-hearted. "If you wanted to talk don't you have friends? Breathers? Hell, the Maitlands? How're they doing anyway, still sexy?"

She ignored his questions. "I was just wondering how you were doing, I guess? You left pretty abruptly after. Yaknow. Feeding your mom to a giant snake. Did you find your dad?"

"Sandworm, and no. Not even a hint of the guy. Found some of my mom's old family that cut her off though, they're pretty good people."

"Oh! Well, that's good, I guess?"

"Yeah. Ok seriously, you're shivering and you just brought me here to chat? What do you want?"

"I just want to talk."

"No you don't. You don't summon a demon unless you want something. What is it? We can just get this over with."

"I missed you, ok? You were my only friend since I lost my mom and then you tried to kill my family and marry me, and now I'm a murderer because of you but I still miss you!"

He recoiled as she went from speaking to shouting, feet back on the ground. "Sap." She had tears in her eyes but wasn't crying, yet. She just looked at him, holding the box to her chest. "You'd really talk to me over a breather? Someone your age?"

"They're." She sniffed, "They're too hard. They're nice enough, but I'm…."

"You're not?"

She plopped down in the snow, hugging her knees over her snow-pants. "Yeah." They just stayed there like that, for a while, Lydia sniffling occasionally.

"Listen, can you just let me out? I promise I'll just go back to the netherwold, don't make me sit here and watch you cry."

"Can you stay? Just for a little while, I'll let you out, I just-"

"Sure, whatever, just no more crying. Gonna get your face stuck like that in this weather." That got a weak chuckle out of her, and she stood back up to start kicking away a good sized gap in the circle. "Kinda stupid, huh? Silly little rock circle keeping the big bad demon in. It was great, before folks figured that out, I've heard at least. I may be old, but I'm not that old." The gap was person size now, and he floated out of it. "We're taking you home."

"What? No! They'll be so mad!"

"You should've thought of that before summoning a demon."

"But it's you!"

"Exactly! It's me! The guy that screwed you over and nearly killed you all! You should be scared of me! You should hate me!" He turned on his heel, baring his teeth.

"I don't know why you freaked out like that! I just wanted to find my mom! It seems like everyone else got to hang around but her! I had thought we were friends!"

"Good friend you are then, just leaving!"

"I was gonna come back!!!"

"No one ever comes back!!!!"

"Then why are you here?!?!"

He grabbed her by the hood of her jacket like a kitten, bringing her up to eye level. Lydia kept her face stony, but he could feel the fear radiating off her. " I'm here," he hissed, "because a little girl got back into magic she should've left in the past. Because she thinks she can be friends with a demon. Because my mother put a banishment curse on me. Want me to go on?" She shook her head no. "Good. You're going home now." He set her down, and started following the footprints in the snow, keeping Lydia in front of him.

After a while, she spoke up. "I know you're not really mad." 

"What?"

"You're still purple. Last time, when I left too go look for her, your hair and clothes went all red. I don't know what purple means, but it's not mad."

Shit. Observant kid. "For all you know purple could be worse."

"You stopped me from killing myself while you were purple."

"So I could use you."

"Yeah, Mr. I'm gonna have a new best frieeeennnd?" She dragged out friend with a high note.

"Shut up." She giggled a little, but they spent the rest of the walk in silence, till they got to the back door. He knocked, three times. The Maitlands flung it open.

"LYDIA we were so worri-" Barbara started, then noticed the stripes behind her and pulled her in behind her. "What are you doing here?" She growled. Adam took Lydia further inside, looking from Barbara to Beetlejuice worriedly.

"God why do you two have to be so hot? Could've used some of that energy when I was trying to teach you to be good ghosts. She summoned me in the middle of nowhere. I made her go home. I'm leaving now."

"No! Stay, please!" Lydia called out. Barbara and Adam gave her a Look. She stared them both down. 

Adam caved first. "Let's get you warmed up, then we can talk about it, ok? You're as cold as we are and we need to call your dad and Delia, they're out looking for you."

"Adam!"

"Barb, look at how much it means to her. We're just gonna talk."

Beetlejuice piped up "She called me, too. I can't technically leave until she lets me, as much as I want to."

Barbara groaned. "Fine. Adam, go take Lydia to the fire," Adam nodded, leading her away. She pointed at Beetlejuice, "You, come inside, we're not wasting heat on keeping an eye on you." He obliged, and as he walked past her in lower tones she added "if you think about trying anything funny I will figure out how to put you on Saturn and leave you there myself." He just nodded, smirking. She looked disgusted.

In the living room Lydia was peeling her snow clothing separate from the thick pajamas she was wearing underneath, leaving the damp stuff by the door, while Adam was working on manipulating the phone to call Charles. He couldn't quite speak through it yet, but they'd been practicing and could generally get it so the information they were trying to convey reached the other end. Something to do with radio wave manipulation. He waited for Charles to confirm he understood him before hanging up and plopping down on the couch next to Lydia.

"Listen, before you dad gets home, just me and you, why did you do that?"

Lydia kept her eyes on the fire. "I was lonely. I. I need someone who's not trying to parent me and I'm just-" she turned to him, "Adam, I'm just so tired." He put an arm around her, using the other one to drag a blanket over her shoulders.

"Hey, it's gonna be ok. We'll get through this. I can't promise you're not in trouble, because you did disappear in the middle of winter for 6 hours, but it's gonna be ok." Lydia nodded and leaned into his shoulder.

"That's reasonable."


	2. In This Family We Talk About Our Issues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles and Delia get home. Boundaries are set.

Charles damn well near kicked down the front door upon getting home, Delia trailing close behind him, not even bothering to take off his coat before gathering Lydia up in his arms. "Don't you ever do that to me again!! Do you have any idea how worried we were?"

She hugged him back. "Dad, I'm sorry, it won't happen again, really-"

"You're not allowed to leave the house without me or Delia until school starts again."

"Fine," she murmured, and then, "There's something else we, uh, need to talk about."

On cue, Barbara stepped in from the kitchen, followed by Beetlejuice. Delia yelped and grabbed the Bad Art out of its stand, holding it like a baseball bat, and Charles hovered over Lydia. "It's ok! He's not here to cause problems, I promise! I called him!"

"He brought her home, actually," Adam added. They both loosened some tension.

"A guy can't even say hi before getting threatened to be stabbed again. Chuck, Delia," he mock-bowed at them.

"Lydia wants him to stay," Barbara said, "and it's really something I think we need to have a family meeting over." Charles nodded, and Delia, suddenly all smiles, put the Bad Art back in it's stand.

"I'm so glad you're using my idea! I'll go get the talking crystal!" With that, Delia sprinted upstairs like a woman possessed. Except not actually, possession tended to look much smoother.

While waiting for her to come back, Lydia and Charles adjusted the couch to face the dining room table, and Adam and Barbara arrange the chairs so that the seating forms a near circle. Beetlejuice floated awkwardly in the corner. By the time all the seating is arranged Delia came back down the stairs with a comically large chunk of quartz. She plopped it down with a loud thud in the middle of the circle and took a seat. "Whoever wants to talk first, just grab it!"

After a couple seconds of awkward silence Lydia grabbed the crystal and dragged it over to her. Delia looked thrilled. "I know it hasn't even been a year since, well" she makes a face, "and you guys are great! I love you and you're amazing parents, and I'm sure if Mom were around she would be absolutely thrilled with that. But I need a friend. I don't think I can find one very easily and I thought…" She looked at Beetlejuice. "Well I knew there would be some hard feelings for murdering you, and you attempting to murder everyone else, but I missed you, how you were during those three days where the house was just ours. You were like the gross big brother I never had." She looks to her family. "And I wanted to call him back in the middle of nowhere just in case things went bad. I had a saftey net-"

"She is a smart kid-"

"Lawrence! Only the one holding the crystal can talk." Delia interjected

"Lydia I know I said I won't cause problems, but if anyone calls me Lawrence again I am stealing their arms." Beetlejuice said, giving Delia a pointed look. She just smiled back brightly.

"Anyway, I was going to say I didn't think it would take that long, and I'm sorry again for scaring you, but… I think if we just try we can learn to... tolerate... each other?" Lydia lets go of the crystal, and Beetlejuice stretches his arm out to put a hand on it with a couple sickening crunches.

"I, for one, do not want to be here. I was having a perfectly good time moping around in the netherwold, I don't really get a choice in the whole summoning thing." Lydia looks at him, head cocked but face downtrodden, and he adds, "I'm not going to try to be a better person, but…" he takes an unneeded breath, "i'll-stick-around-if-she-thinks-she-needs-me-to-that-badly-because-I-dont-want-her-to-do-anything-more-drastic." He removes his hand and lets his elongated arm flop to the ground, leaving it that way.

"More drastic than summoning a demon?"

"Charles, the crystal!"

Lydia sat up stock straight, making tiny little "no!" motions at Beetlejuice with her hands.

"Oh, did she not tell you about her little suicide attempt on the roof?"

Everyone looked to Lydia. She was pulling her her hood up over her face, in that calm before the storm.

"Is that what you were doing on the roof?" Barbara asked.

"Lydia you need to tell people these things!" Charles shouted.

"Oh my god, that's what she was doing on the roof," Adam looked from Barbara to Lydia and back again.

"The crystal!" Delia muttered.

"If I had lost you and your mother I don't know what I would've done I-" Charles started, before Lydia interrupted him.

"You should've listened to me then-"

"I know now but-" 

"Have you tried again?" Barbara interjected.

"No! Stop, it's over! I haven't tried again! Just forget it!" Lydia shouted, face hidden completely behind fabric.

"Lydia…" Barbara started, "that's not something we can't not talk about."

"Yes it is, because I didn't do it anyway and it's not like being dead means you're actually gone most of the time!"

"Actually, if you kill yourself you have to serve a three hundred year minimum term doing social service in the netherwold, you can't leave," Beetlejuice added.

"Whatever! I didn't do it,it's all fine, that's not even what we're supposed to be talking about!"

"She's right," Delia said, "and can we please go back to using the talking crystal? This is something we can talk about when Lydia is more comfortable with it."

There was a murmur of "fine" from everyone, and Adam took the chance to float it over to himself.

"As much as I don't like it, especially after that revelation, I think it would be good for Lydia to let him stay. With some rules, of course. Like no more marriages, other than the one Charles and Delia already have planned. Or groping. Or anything non consensual really."

"Oh, so I can't have any fun?"

Barbara shot Beetlejuice a look. "It's not fun, it was humiliating and violating and we will not put up with it."

Charles piped up, "And until we know we can trust you, no alone time with anyone except yourself."

"Fine. But Big Sandy's gonna need a place to stay if I'm going to be here for long."

"And Big Sandy is…?" Charles cocked his eyebrows.

"My sandworm, you've met her before."

There was a quiet moment of realization. "Doesn't she eat ghosts?" Adam asked, worry edging into his voice.

Beetlejuice laughed. "How often do you think ghosts end up on Saturn? She just ate, she's fine for the next seven years. Sure I can find some pedo or genocidal maniac or something in that time."

"That's rich, coming from you." Charles

"The marriage was a green card thing only, I have morals!" He was taking on a reddish tinge, and starring very intently at one of the walls, "Lydia is a child, and the only one of you who was alive and not engaged. I am not, never have been, nor will be attracted to her," then, back to Charles, "are we clear?"

Charles nodded. "That is a relief to hear, frankly. Lydia, is there room in the basement for… Sandy?"

Lydia's face lit up. "I'll move around my chemicals, I can make room!" She rushed off. 

Once she was gone, Charles turned back to the rest of the group. His tone was low. "Listen, I understand that Lydia has been having trouble lately. It seems like something we can all agree on is wanting her to be ok. But like Adam said, we're serious. The four of us have been reading the handbook, we know there are… ways to make it so you cannot come back here."

"Are you threatening to exorcise me?"

"No!" Adam jumped in, "unlike some people, we wouldn't do that."

"But," Charles started, "we won't hesitate to use the other methods to get you to leave if it comes down to it, if Lydia won't let you leave."

Beetlejuice huffed, arms crossed over his chest defensively. Then Charles added, "But. Thank you. For bringing Lydia home and telling us about her… Attempt. I'm still worried about all of this, but it seems like your heart is in the right place."

"Whatever," he mumbled, "I'm going to go help her, which one of you is coming with?" Delia volunteered, and then there were three.

They sat in silence for a while before Barbara spoke up. "This is such a bad idea, oh my god."

Adam put his arm around her. "It's for Lydia. Maybe it'll be different this time. He seems calmer somehow, maybe he found that dead therapist?" He squeezed her, and Barbara chuckled. Charles sighed.

"For Lydia."


	3. Enter, Addams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We all finally meet the Addams.

The last of the snow, which at this point was brown and brackish piles on the sides of the roads and most inconvenient places on the sidewalks, was finally melting and the daffodils and crocuses were just beginning to push through the ground when Lydia came home to a strange envelope in the mailbox, dyed black parchment, the real stuff that smells vaguely of goat, with a red wax seal addressed to a "Mr. L. Betelgeuse Shoggoth-Addams."

"I'm home! Beej, you got mail!" She yelled, dropping her bag on the floor before leaving the normal mail on the table. Barbara poked her head down through the ceiling.

"He got mail?" 

"Yeah, look." She held up the envelope for her. "At least I think? I thought he spelled it B-e-e-t-"

"I'd put that down, you don't know if it's cursed or full of snakes or something." Barbara said, floating the rest of the way down

"Hey, I can handle a little curse or a few snakes!"

"Lydia…."

"Fine, fine," she sets the letter down on the table. Then, louder, "BEEJ! Mail!"

He stuck his head up through the floorboards. "Must be the wrong address, the only mail I should be getting is ghouls and gals bikini edition."

"Ew, no, it's this," Lydia pointed to the envelope, and he pulled himself up through the floor, picking it up.

"Huh, that sure is my name." He broke the seal, unfolding the parchment. A small silver coin fell out and clattered on the floor

"Well, what does it say?" Barbara moved to look over his shoulder.

"You," he read slowly, sounding out words and mumbling through his name, "have been invited to the Annual Addams Family reunion at 1 Cemetery Ridge, Westfield, New Jersey on March 15th. RSVP not needed, but appreciated, especially if bringing others. Reply via crow, payment for their service is enclosed."

"Of course your family is from Jersey," Lydia grasped the edge of the table, mocking a fighting pose. She may have accepted living in Connecticut, but the girl was still from Manhattan.

"Well, are you going to go?" Barbara asked.

"Yeah, Lydia, you want to come with?"

"Of course! We-"

"We will be asking Charles and Delia once they get home. I know we've been letting up on the rules but that's two states to go through." 

"Fine," Lydia pouted. Beetlejuice ruffled her hair.

"Kid, it's not like there's not gonna be another one. Besides it might be suuuuuper boring, I haven't met most of these people."

"I thought you said you had?"

"Yeah, just a few of the dead ones. From what we talked about a significant chunk of them are actually human." 

Barbara did a double take. "Human? As in like homo sapiens?" 

"Yeah. And vampiric, I guess."

"Wait, vampires are real?"

"Yeah, snobby motherfu-"

Charles cleared his throat before Beetlejuice could finish the curse, closing the front door behind him. "Why are we talking about vampires?"

"Beej got invited to a family reunion, can we go?" Lydia picked up the coin from the floor, putting it on the table.

Charles sighed. "Listen Lydia I've been to the netherwold once, I do not plan on doing that again until I actually die, he can go on hi-"

"It's in Jersey." Lydia interrupted. Charles made a face.

"That's almost worse. Let me get inside, then we can talk more. When is it?"

Lydia darkened her face, adopting a deep, singsong voice. "The iiiiiiddessssss offfff Maaaaarrrrrrccchhhhh."

Charles rolled his eyes good naturedly, and Barbara giggled. Looking to Beetlejuice, he asked, "Going off that, how many times are we going to get stabbed?" That got a big smile out of Lydia.

"Probably no times, honestly. They're nice people, the ones I've met," Beetlejuice shrugged.

"Then I don't see why not," Lydia and Beetlejuice high-fived, "Barbara, are you and Adam good to be alone for the day?"

Barbara nodded, "We'd love some alone time, actually!"

"Yeah, they're gonna-" Barbara and Charles shot him a Look "-I'm not going to finish that sentence!"

"Good job. Then we'll go. We'll need to take the car-"

"Oh ew, just call me once you get there."

"It's settled! I'll go find a crow!" Lydia grabbed the coin off the table and ran outside.

~~~

The ides was turning out to be a perfectly gloomy day, cold and drizzling on and off, with the fog ebbing and flowing like the tides over the lawns in the setting sunlight. Wednesday had just finished helping Lurch set up the big oak tables amongst the tombstones when she was called back to the house to help greet her cousins.

Pugsley had already taken his favorite spot in the tree. She easily dodged the spear he lobbed at her, pulling it out of the ground. "Now children," Morticia said as Wednesday took aim, "make sure to save that energy for the tournament later, you know how cousin Fungus duel wields." 

"Yes, mother!" They replied in unison, Wednesday opting to lower the spear and instead use it to get to her favorite branch.

"Very good, now- oh, it looks like Itt and Margaret are already here.

~~~

Charles parked the car in front of the wrought iron gates, taking a moment too settle his flipping stomach. They had stopped to visit Emily's grave, the first time since the funeral, and it had only made his anxiety worse. The house in front of them looked abandoned if not for the various… people? Creatures? Milling about behind the hedges. Mostly human, sure. Seeing a ghost(?) with their head cradled in their arms made him cringe.

"Dad?" Lydia's voice brought him back to the car. She was rubbing her thumb in circles on the back of her favorite camera, a Minolta with an extended lens. "Uh, thank you, for that, and this. If it gets to be too much for you, we can always-"

"Thank you, Lydia, I'll be fine, I just need a minute. Why don't you get out and call him, I'll be right with you."

She looked at him in the mirror, nodded, and hopped out of the car. "Beetlejuice! We're here!" A hand popped out of the ground. She grabbed it and pulled, and a striped sleeve followed, along with the rest of him. He brushed some dirt off his jacket(not that it did much).

"Thanks, Scarecrow," he looked around, doing a double take at the crowd on the lawns. "Huh, maybe I was wrong about the human part, haven't seen that much paranormal activity since Salem."

"Well," Charles said, opening the door, "We've spent long enough in the car, it would be rude to leave now. Come on." He walked through the gate, the other two following closely. They followed the greeting line up to the porch, moving Beetlejuice to the front to meet the couple on the porch.

  
  


"Ah, you must be cousin Betelgeuse!" Gomez exclaimed, drawing the demon into a big hug, "It's good to finally meet you!" Beetlejuice froze, even after Gomez had let go, until Lydia elbowed him, and he jumped a little.

"Right back at you, cousin…?"

"Oh, of course, this is your first time meeting everyone, isn't it? I'm Gomez," he gestured to the rest of his family, "My lovely wife Morticia, and my two wonderful children, Wednesday and Pugsley." They waved from up in the tree, and the three waved back. 

"The rest of the family is in the graveyard. The scorpion kissing contest will be starting soon," Mortica smiled, pointing around the corner. "And you must be his guests, Lydia and Charles?"

"Yes, it's lovely to meet you," Charles said, shaking Gomez's hand after Lydia. 

"We're excited to meet his family that won't try to kill us!"

"Lydia!" Charles exclaimed, but it got a laugh out of the others.

"No promises!" Morticia said, singsong, and Charles ushered the other two around the corner.

~~~

Lydia had extracted herself from the crowd around the impromptu sparring matches that had started near one of the larger mausoleum s, taking a seat at one of the emptier tables. Her film had filled up, and she didn't want to miss anything. She wound the rest of it inside the camera, unlocking the canister and popping open the back. She pulled it out, but was too rushed. It slipped out of her fingers and hit the table.

The cannister clicked open.

Suddenly, before she could even react, her hands were coated in thick black fabric. Oh, an umbrella. She looked up the stick and met the gaze of the girl from earlier, Wednesday? They stared at each other for a second Wednesday looked away.

"Your film- I believe I got to it in time," Wednesday said.

It took Lydia a full second to process what was going on before she started, flushing a little. "I- Thank you! I, yeah, it didn't even see the light, you're uh, really fast huh?" Her hands fumbled around inside the umbrella, grabbing for and closing the canister. She gingerly pulled it out, and Wednesday re-opened her umbrella, holding it over the both of them. Lydia pulled her camera's strap over her head and stood up, holding out her hand. "Lydia Deetz."

Wednesday took her hand and shook it after a moment of consideration. "Wednesday Addams. You're cousin Be-"

"Don't say it! He'll want to check, when I had to leave he was next in line."

"His name?"

"It's a long story, I don't know all of it, but something to do with a banishment curse."

Wednesday nodded sagely. "You're his guest though?"

"Yup! Well, my dad and I." She sat back down, pulling out a fresh roll of film. Wednesday took the seat next to her. "The invitation was really cool by the way." She pulled out a notch of film and slid it into the winder, closing the camera and locking the roll in.

"Thank you, Grandma has been working with Pugsley and I on our calligraphy." Wednesday studied Lydia's hands as she wound the film into place and corrected thee counter. "It's been a while since I've seen a film camera."

"It's an underappreciated art! Even in black and white there's that quality that you just can't get with digital." Lydia had a whole speech prepared on this, but didn't want to scare Wednesday away with it quite yet. She was cute, and easy to talk to, and everyone had been bugging her to get friends her own age. Maybe…?

"Well, digital does have it's merits. It doesn't have the unfortunate effects silver does," Wednesday ventured. 

"Unfortunate-Oh! The thing-" Lydia nodded, "I'm not used to being able to speak openly about that. Getting everyone to show up  _ is _ nice, I guess. But" she paused, pulling a 4x6 photograph of a vase floating in the middle of an open field, "You can't do that with digital?"

"An overlap?"

"Nope!" Lydia said brightly, handing the photo over, "It's all one image. My ghost mom let us use one of her vases before she broke it to make a bunch of ones like this."

"Ghost mom?" Wednesday's eyes lit up.

"Adoptive ghost mom, my real dead mom- we haven't been able to find her yet, she's probably somewhere in the netherwold."

"Oh, that's unfortunate."

"It's- well it's not ok, but I'm sure we'll find her one day, it's just time and since everything in the netherwold is a little crazy right now after Juno..." Lydia trailed off.

"Yes, I've noticed it's been even worse off than normal for over a year now, most of our family ghosts have been staying with us as opposed to their own homes," Wednesday nodded.

~~~

They continued to chat until the moon was high, when Charles and Gomez came over to them.

"Well Lydia, it's a long drive back home, we should get going."

"What time is it?" Lydia asked, looking up. 

"Almost 2 am, though it is sad to see you go, Charles," Gomez said, "We were only on our third fencing match."

"You can fence?" Lydia asked Charles, wide eyed. 

"I'll tell you all about it on the ride home, let's-"

"Wait!" Lydia said, turning back to Wednesday, pulling a marker out of her bag, "here, give me your phone number, I don't use mine much but I'd like to stay in touch." She held out her hand for the other girl to write on. Wednesday took the marker and did so, then handed it back, holding out her own palm.

"Give me yours too, just in case." Lydia obliged. Then, after a couple seconds of hesitation, she hugged Wednesday.

"Well, goodbye! I'll message you tomorrow!" Wednesday, waved a little as Charles and Lydia walked away. Gomez squeezed her shoulder, smiling knowingly.

~~~

Later, Wednesday gently ran her thumb over the numbers on her palm, holding the shovel for rob-the-grave in the crock of her elbow. Pugsley dropped his shovel and grabbed her hand to look, then smiled devilishly at her as she pulled her hand back. "Oooooooh, Wednesday, you got her numbbbbbeeeeerrr," he said, dragging out his words.

"Shush," Wednesday said, "I don't even-"

"Wednesday and What's-Her-Name sitting in a tree, k-i-"

"Pugsley if you finish that song I won't electrocute you at all tomorrow."

"Aw, you're no fun!"


	4. The chatfic chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lydia and Wednesday text. That's about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All grammatical and spelling choices are on purpose
> 
> Sorry for no Halloween chapter this year! It snuck up on me. There will be a winter holidays special with a special guest >:3c
> 
> Next chapter is longer but hopefully I'll have it done within a week!

203-867-****: Hello, is this the right number? I'm Lydia, we exchanged numbers recently. Sorry in advance for spelling mistakes, I'm new to this.

908-666-****: yes, this is Wednesday. we could have used the crows, if u liked.

203: Honestly that's so cool but I don't keep enough silver coins around. But I'm glad I heard you right! It's nice to have someone so cool to talk to.

908: they also accept gemstones. im glad to be able to talk to u too.

203: I think my stepmother would cry if I used her crystals as payment. But don't count it out!

908: >:) i won't. 

203: I like the little face! So about where we left off, you were telling me about your pet spiders?

908: yes, it was a shame i never got to show u in person. i know i shouldn't play favorites, but here's a picture of her, Ms Elizabeth Bathory

_ Image of a small pale black widow crawling on an open palm _

203: She's beautiful! And such a great name

908: thank u! she's only on her third instar so i should have a few years with her.

203: They live that long?!

908: up to 3, normally, but i have my ways ;l

203: Cool!

908: thank u. have u had a chance to develop that film yet?

203: Yes, I owe you my life. The negatives are still usable, I'll make sure to send you an album once I get the pictures printed. Most of the living people aren't showing up very well, or they're pretty blurry if they are there.

908: thanks! that's to be expected. ill make sure to send u pics of the paintings too, once they're finished. that could take a while.

203: Paintings?

908: like you said, digital just cant quite capture that je ne se quoi ;|

908: plus Thing likes the practice

203: That's so cool

_ Picture of a collection of canvasses covered in pencil sketches with Thing making a peace sign on top of them _

908: they're very proud of this year's collection

203: They should be!

203: I gotta go to bed, I have school tomorrow, but we should talk more!

908: sleep well!

~~~

203: Mif Addams u ar sooooo cyt and my cruf on you is the syz of the mun and I litrealy do not stap takng abut you I am enumored and hfuwjiskdj

203: Please don't read that

203: My now ex-friend stole my phone I'm going to die

203: Don't look for me in the netherworld I'm just going straight to Saturn

203: I will live amongst the sandworms and never be seen again

908: lol it's ok

908: but Saturn?

203: Yeah, you know how ghosts can't go outside?

908: OH!

908: i forgot, my family figured out how to get around that a long time ago, have they not added it to the handbook? we've told the author

203: What?!? No, it's not in there, can you teach me? Barbara and Adam would love to be able to go outside they have such bad cabin fever

908: of course! I'll call you to explain, it's easier. Is now a good time?

203: Yeah!

_ Picture of Adam and Barbara in a field. They are holding hands, staring at the night sky. It's a very artsy, well composed picture _

203: That's the only digital picture I am ever taking

908: I'm glad you shared it with me

203: do we have to do that every time?

908: yes but the blood doesn't have to be human or fresh after the first time

908: and the candles can be any color and any wax though black and beeswax give the longest time, last we tested it lasted about 48ish hours

203: They're so grateful. And so am I, this is the happiest I've seen them

908: i'm going to have a talk with the author one of these days, it's so cruel to expect people to stay in their house for so long

908: but I'm glad to help!

~~~

908: your photo album came in today!

203: Awesome! You're up early

908: yes, the district got a new truancy officer so im back in public school for now

203: Aw I'm sorry

908: don't be! it's always novel, plus i give this time around a week. my brother's already chewed through his desk's chains

203: What?

203: Also I'm glad the photos got to you safely!

908: they came out wonderfully for the circumstance! and does your school not use chains?

203: Aw thanks! And no?!

908: must be new jersey thing.

908: also ive been thinking

908: we should meet up again sometime soon

203: I would love that! I can get to NYC pretty easy on my own, would that be a good halfway?

908: that's good! are you free this weekend? 

203: Yeah! I'd have to go during the day though, will that be good?

908: would noon be good?

203: Perfect!

203: I'll meet you in Grand Central then?

908: sounds good :)

~~~

203: On the train

203: I'm really excited for our little date

203: Is this a date?

908: do you want it to be?

203: Do you?

908: i wouldn't mind if you don't ;)

203: Oh, then it's a date!

~~~

908: So my parents want to meet you

203: they already have?

908: no I mean formally

203: oh?

203: OH! But we've only been dating for 3 months?

908: i wouldn't worry too much, they like you so they'll go easy on you. probably.

203: probably?

908: i'm teasing

203: Aw babe

203: I have to see if any of my parents can get me on down there, is anytime good?

908: of course

203: Delia's the only one free

203: She's

203: A piece of work

908: how so?

203: She's a space case

908: sounds lovely!

203: If you say so

908: :p

203: We're on our way, We're going to stop at dead mom's grave, so 9 pmish? Is that too early?

908: 9's fine! tell her i say hi

203: aye aye

908: 🖤

203: 🖤


	5. Be Gay, Do Crimes, Cry About Your Dead Mom Some More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lydia's and Wednesdays first date
> 
> Beta'd by cyberStevie. Thanks!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo this was originally going to be put with the one shots buttttttt writing Gomez& Morticia Hard so first date time!

Home. The smell of human urine and pizza and sweat and so so much dirt and smog rushed into the amtrak car as the doors opened, wracking Lydia with a wave of nostalgia. She grabbed her hat and camera bag, hopping off the train onto the platform looking around for a second as if she were a tourist. Quickly, she got over it, taking the stairs two at a time and rushing to the main hall.

They had agreed to meet under Orion, and lo and behold, on one of the benches, sat none other than one Wednesday Addams. She was wearing thick headphones, reading part of a newspaper while the large man next to her read the cartoon page. Lydia waved until she got her attention, then snapped a picture, probably at a little too fast of a speed to get much from it. She nearly skipped over, and made a gesture of pulling headphones off.

"Don't worry, I can hear you. There's to many people talking in here," Wednesday said, tapping the plastic. Lurch gave Lydia a little wave.

"It's so good to see you!" She plopped down on the bench next to her, reaching around in her bag. "Adam and Barbara wanted me to give you this," She pulled out a handmade envelope, "And as soon as Barbara's garden starts producing she's gonna send me to you with crates of every vegetable you can imagine." Wednesday took the card, smiling a little, and put it in her own bag.

"So, what do you have planned for today?" Wednesday asked.

"Well," Lydia started, "It mostly depends on how up you are for some minor law breaking." Lurch turned to Lydia, eyebrow raised. "Nothing major! Just a little breaking and entering! I was thinking we could check out Loew's together, or section three of the high line, or dead horse beach." Lurch nodded, turning back to his comics.

"Those all sound lovely, especially the beach, but I'm afraid I'm not familiar with any of them."

"Even better! We should be able to hit at least two before we have to go back here! Let's start with Loew's, it's this old abandoned theater. We'll need to catch the next train to Brooklyn." Lydia stood up, offering Wednesday her hand. She took it, and Lydia led the way through the crowd.

They boarded the crowded train, grabbing onto a standing bar before the door closed. Wednesday stuck her free hand into one of her braid's nooses, tightening and loosening it around her wrist repeatedly.

"You ok?" Lydia asked.

Wednesday nodded. "Just not used to these sort of crowds."

"Don't worry, Brooklyn's a lot less crowded. Would touching you make things better or worse?"

"Better, probably." Lydia placed her hand on Wednesday's upper arm, squeezing gently. 

The train slowly emptied as they got closer to their stop, Lydia keeping an eye on the upcoming stations. Wednesday was eventually able to take off her headphones, folding them up and placing them back in her bag.

"So it's on 46th and 11th, across from the fabric store, not far from here," Lydia said, hopping over the gap and turning on her heel to watch Wednesday step off.

Wednesday opened her umbrella against the sun as they got outside, using her other hand to hold Lydia's. They walked like that for a while until they got to a large, windowless brick building labeled with an ad for a furniture store.

"C'mon, around this way," Lydia said, leading them into the alley.

They clambered up the fire escape, two stairs a time, nearly skidding to a stop in front of the door. Lydia knelt down, Wednesday following her cue and closing her umbrella. After a tense second of searching her bag, she pulled out a little leather pouch. "Lockpicks," Lydia whispered, and set to work on the door. "Keep an eye out, my mom usually did this part." Wednesday nodded, turning to watch the street and concentrating on keeping herself from blushing.

"Got it!" Lydia whisper-shouted after a tense couple of minutes. She ushered the other girl inside, turning on the flashlight on her phone on and setting it on the ground. "Did you bring a mask?" Wednesday shook her head no, and Lydia nodded, pulling two blue masks out of her bag. "Just in case, plus if we get caught it gives us a little longer to get away."

Lydia picked up her phone, leading the way away from the fire escape, and Wednesday followed, turning her own on. They entered the main theater, and Lydia grabbed Wednesday's hand, shining her flashlight around the room.

The ceiling was mostly blue where it wasn't chipped, pigeons cooing gently. Industrial lights hung awkwardly from the ceiling, close to the decaying plaster sculptures.

"Wow," Wednesday focused her light on one of the sculptures. Lydia let her hand go, walking through the aisles.

"They didn't even clean up the litter from the last show. It was a movie theater, if I remember right."

"A movie theater?"

"Yeah, crazy right?" Lydia's voice cracked.

Abovehead, there was an electric humming.

"Lydia, are you ok?" She shook her head, pulling down her mask to scrub at her face, breath hitching.

"I-" she hiccuped "I thought I-I could do this," she took a deep breath. Wednesday hopped the rows and grabbed her shoulders, looking nervously at the industrial lights that were beginning to buzz to life. "But- I miss her so much, she-"

"Hey, do you hear that?" The man's voice came from behind the orchestra section.

"Hear what?"

"Lydia," Wednesday whispered, "I understand, but we have to get out of here." Lydia nodded, pawing over her eyes again before pulling up her mask. Wednesday stood up, shifting her hands so she was grabbing Lydia's.

"Hey! You!"

"You can't be in here!"

They ran, through the mezzanine and down the fire escape, Wednesday dragging Lydia along until they were blocks away in the shadow of a convenience store. Lydia pulled off her mask, fumbling it back into her bag, attempting to breathe slowly but choking on her sobs instead. She slid down the bricks behind her, holding her calves and burying her head in her knees. Wednesday sat down next to her, awkwardly rubbing small circles on her back.

They say like that for a while, until Lydia went from sobbing to hitching to breathing slowly and deeply. The little old man who ran the store had come out and offered them a bottle of water, which Wednesday gratefully accepted. Sitting back down, she opened it and handed it to Lydia, who drank half of it in one go.

"I'm sorry," she started, wiping her eyes, "I thought I could-my mom, before she got sick, whenever I had time off school we'd go out and do this, I thought it would be fun to do it with someone else but-"

"Lydia, look at me, it's ok, there's nothing to apologise for," Wednesday said, using one hand to comfort the other girl and the other to worry her braids. "This is a lot, for both of us. Next time we can plan something more relaxed."

"Next time? You want there to be a next time after," she gestured at herself, "this?"

Wednesday sighed, leaning back to look at her. "Lydia Deetz. Of course I want to go on a second date with you, I just watched you lockpick a door and run eight blocks  _ while crying. _ If it's any comfort I'm very impressed with you." 

Lydia laughed, a little at first, but then a lot, and pulled Wednesday into a hug. She yelped a little, not expecting it, then returned the hug. After a couple seconds they stood up. "I'm gonna go pay that guy and get something for lunch, I think there's a park nearby for a picnic."

"That sounds nice," Wednesday said, "I can look it up?"

"Sounds good! I'll be right back." Lydia went into the store, and Wednesday opened her umbrella, then her phone. Lydia came out triumphantly holding their bounty, and Wednesday grabbed her free hand again, leading the way.

  
  


~~~

Wednesday and Lurch waved at Lydia from the platform, and she waved from the window. The train pulled out, back to Connecticut.

"Well?" Lurch drawled.

Wednesday smiled. "It was nice."


	6. On the Roof Reprise 2 Electric Boogaloo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BIG FLASHING NEON SIGNS FOR A SUICIDE TRIGGER WARNING THIS CHAPTER 
> 
> Eggosandxmen won a little contest I was having on the Little Slices of Life, and asked for "let Lyds have the meltdown, let Beej help her."
> 
> And what was originally supposed to be self contained turned into this, which also threw off my draft and chapter count, but it works so it stays
> 
> This chapter is completely skippable with the knowledge "Lydia makes another attempt on her life, and Beetlejuice stops her."
> 
> Beta'd by cyberStevie again! Thank you so much, you are a lifesaver and deserve so much credit
> 
> I'm dragging this summary out so that the first words aren't visible.
> 
> If you go to starbucks get a toasted white mocha frappe with a shot of creme brulee and a scoop or two of java chips, it's like drinking a frozen chocolate chip cookie
> 
> Alrighty I think that should be good! But seriously, this chapter has the potential to be very triggering and I highly suggest you skip to the next one if this is something that can trigger you

She pinned the note to one of the safety pins in her collar, took a deep breath to steady herself, and took a step. And another. She was running, a jump, and then---

A hand, then two, on her arm, pulling her back into the safety fencing. She closed her eyes and laid on the cool roof tile, letting herself be dragged until she was leaning against a wall.

She opened her eyes, finally, to the stars and a wide eyed demon, Orion like a sort of halo behind him. She laughed, bitterly, and closed her eyes again.

"Lydia, you can't just-"

"Beetlejuice, why won't you just-" she clenched and unclenched her fists "-let me die?" She felt liquid running down her cheeks.

"First of all, I can't, you're still my summoner, second of all you're my best and arguably only friend and-" she felt him shift, and felt his jacket being draped over her shoulders followed by an arm, "I don't want you to have to deal with this, the whole being dead thing, until you absolutely have to." 

"Can you explain?"

"Well, it sucks, mostly, sure you get perks what with all the-"

"No, the first part. Adam and Barb have told me all about that part."

Beetlejuice sighed. "You summoned me, I can't physically harm you or let physical harm come to you, please don't make me explain the whole deal, we need to talk about you because this-" she cracked open an eye and he was gesturing wildly at the roof edge with two hands, third arm that was holding her sprouting at an unnatural angle out of his back, "-You can't keep doing this! I'm going to tell them. Actually, I'm going to tell them today, if you don't give me a good reason not to."

"I'm out of reasons, Beej. Please, just let me…" it was hard to breathe suddenly. Why was she crying like this? She had felt so lucid just seconds ago, so set in just letting the wind take her for no reason other than to make the world just stop and along with it the pain of living. Now she was shaking against the angle of the roof in the cool night air.

"I literally cannot and even if I could, I wouldn't." A fourth arm shoved a grubby handkerchief into her hands. 

"It hurts though! Everything!" She slammed her fist into the tiles, "Everything fucking hurts and it never stops and I try and pretend and I'm so damn good at acting, I deserve an Emmy, but it just! Doesn't! Stop!" Her voice cracked.

"You think that stops when you're dead?"

"You've said you don't feel shit," Lydia looked at him, eyes narrowed.

"Yeah, being coked out of your mind since coke was invented does that, apparently. Ask Adam and Babara, they feel shit. Not physically, of course- that's one of those things you're gonna lose, by the way- but emotions, specifically that emotion, don't go away."

She sighed. "Then what's the point?"

"There isn't one."

"Fuck you!" She screamed, suddenly standing, jacket fluttering to the ground, and he jumped back, two armed again. "You're- if you're a demon there has to be- SOMETHING! Some point to this, something, I don't care how cruel it is, I don't-" she sobbed, folding into herself. He went back next to her, rubbing her back, maybe a little too softly, like he'd only seen it done before.

"Kid, I don't know what to tell you, demon doesn't mean some sort of banished angel or anything. Never met an angel. There's stories of course, but it's more like, cryptids than anything." 

"Bullshit, it- there has to be something, just anything, it's… what's a demon, then, if not that?"

"Just a person that's always been dead."

"Oh." She studied the stars. "I thought. I don't know. I thought you were proof, I guess." She tried to breathe deeply, but hiccuped, "Some sign that there's a reason to all this." She looked over to him, tears streaking down her cheeks. "Pathetic, isn't it?"

"... A little, yeah. Sorry. Wait, shit, no I mean-"

She laughed bitterly, interrupting him. "I shouldn't even feel like I'm suffering like this! I mean! I shouldn't want to die!" She gestured at the open window, "I have, just, so many parents, even if Mom isn't around, even if that still hurts so bad, and you, and Wednesday, and everyone's just so  _ nice _ to me all the time. It shouldn't hurt! Just living shouldn't-" she sobbed, leaning into him. "Why, why, why-"

"Hey, hey, scarecrow, look at me, that's good, eyes on me. I can't make it stop, I'm sorry, I don't think anyone can, but," he sighed, and looked away. "You can't just give up like that. You'll just be more miserable, and we won't be able to see you often if at all, and…" he trailed off, grasping for the words.

"It was so easy, when Mama was around, y'know?" Lydia ventured. "It still hurt and everything, but. She just knew, I guess. I feel so dumb."

"Lydia," he said, holding her shoulders, "If you're in so much pain that you even think this," he gestured to the roof's edge, "is an option, that's not dumb, thats. I don't know what it is but it means you need help, more help than we're giving you right now."

"I'm sixteen, I should be able to handle myself, I shouldn't need..." she trailed off 

"No, nonono, you're basically a baby and even if that weren't the case, you deserve to not want to die."

"It's. Whatever. Fuck," she wiped her face, "You're right. We should tell the others. Just- don't let them send me away, ok?"

"I don't think they'd let you get lobotomized, but if they do they haven't seen scary."

"Lobotomies haven't been a thing for years, dumbass," Lydia said, sniffling.

"Really? Because last I checked they were all the rage-"

"You're just teasing me now aren't you?"

"A little."

She punched him gently, and he pulled the note off her collar, tossing it behind them in a spout of fire. "Want to go inside? I'm not leaving you alone until the others are up."

"Wait, wait, can you wait till Friday to tell the others?" She asked.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Gimme a reason. And I'm watching you like a hawk until then, no magic bullshit required."

"Wednesday and I are meeting up , I… I don't know if Dad will let me after telling him."

"... Fine. But I'm still not leaving you alone till then. Let's go back inside." He held open the window, ushering her back in. She clambered in, and he followed, closing it and lingering to jam the lock. He turned, and she was watching him. "Listen, I'm not taking any second chances, I'll fix it once you're doing better, but till then no roof."

"When did you get so responsible." She didn't phrase it as a question, so much as a statement. He rolled his eyes.

"I'm gonna keep being responsible for as long as you need it, scarecrow, so get used to it. Go get in your pajamas, I'm going to get you some water."

"Fine, Dad Number Three." She rolled her eyes and wiped her face again, turning to go down the stairs. He followed her, splitting off at the bathroom door while she went into her bedroom. He emptied and rinsed out the toothbrush cup, filling it with what he hoped was the cold water and waiting outside Lydia's door. 

Eventually, she opened the door, now in a grubby sweatshirt and flannels, and he put the cup of water into her hands. "Thanks," she murmured, padding back to her bed in the corner and putting it on her nightstand. He followed, sitting down on the floor at the foot of it, watching as she took a sip and crawled under the covers.

"If you still need to talk, we can, either way I'm going to convince them to let you go to school late tomorrow if we can't get you the full day off," he said.

"I think I'm just going to go to sleep," she said, "but thank you."

He nodded, staring at the dresser in front of him as she drifted off.


	7. In Which Beetlejuice Paints Charles's Nails

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by cyberStevie!!!! You're the best!!!

Charles held the doorway with one hand, the other clutching his chest through his suit.

"Aw, come on Chucky, it wasn't that bad! You can't handle a little jumpscare?"

"Beetlejuice. What. Why-"

"I was waiting for Lydia to get home, duh." The demon said, moving back to let him inside. "You're home early."

"There wasn't any traffic. Besides, didn't Lydia only leave an hour ago?"

"Yeah, so?"

Charles warily straightened up, putting his briefcase inside and looking at Beetlejuice confusedly. "She's going to be gone for at least four more hours?"

"The point, Chuck?" He was getting a little annoyed.

"That's a long time to wait." He walked inside, and the door shut behind him.

"Not for me!" The demon kicked his feet up, falling back on the air with his hands behind his head. "'sides, the sexys asked me not to bother them while they're working on that model of the town. Apparently I'm 'too distracting' and 'summoning a baby Godzilla isn't helping.'"

Charles looked at him for a second, head cocked, trying to figure out if he was being serious. "Please don't summon any Godzillas."

Beetlejuice groaned. "No one in this house except Lydia knows how to have any fun!"

"We already have Sandy and Delia’s cat-”

“Princess.”

“Princess, right. No more pets.”

"Ugh, fiiiiiinnne." He turned so he was resting on his stomach, watching the other man open up a laptop, resting his head in his hands. "What're you doing, anyway?"

"Talking to you to put off calculating the tax information on the house I just sold."

"Bummer. Money's fake. You should just do what you want."

Charles looked up. "There's no currency in He-the Netherwold?"

Beetlejuice rolled his eyes. "Of course there is, but do you think that actually means anything? If everyone's dead no one's exactly worried about creature comforts. If you want a house you can just fight for it." He paused, then "Lawyers still make a killing -that's a joke, Chuck, laugh- what with the way the handbook's written."

"I've heard funnier. But the handbook, it's really written like that? And everyone's supposed to be able to read it?"

"Yeah, it's a trap. The longer people have to spend doing paperwork, the less time they're out finding out what they can really do now that they're not breathers anymore. Back when dear old mom thought she was gonna make me follow in her footsteps she made me memorize the damn thing, front to back. Took forever, by the way, always had trouble with reading, but the whole process is meant to make people wish they were exorcised."

"That's terrible," Charles said, looking up from the computer.

"That's how it's been as long as I've been around. Dunno if it was ever better, but nobody likes the system." Beetlejuice sat at the table and pulled out a bottle of black nail polish from one of his pockets, shaking it. "If you read the handbook well enough to know how to get rid of me, though, you should be fine."

Charles nodded, looking uncomfortable, and went back to the computer. After a stretch of silence -during which Beetlejuice was uncharacteristically still and focused on his nails with laser-like precision- he spoke up again. "So would Emily have-"

"Yeah, she'd have her own copy," he interrupted.

"No, would she… have gone through the system yet?"

"Depends, how'd she die?"

Charles swallowed thickly. "That's very painful to talk about."

Beetlejuice cocked an eyebrow, flapping his hands to dry the polish faster. "You're the one asking."

He sighed, closing the laptop. "It's a long story."

"No it's not."

"Right, right." Charles sighed. "The millennia old demon thing." He pushed away from the table, going into the kitchen. After a minute or so he came back with a glass of water and sat back down.

"She- Emily, she had MS. She had been fine for a long time, since Lydia was born, her medication was working and the doctors were all very hopeful. We all thought she wouldn't even need a cane until we were in our fifties," Charles sighed again. 

"Lemme guess, then the medication stopped working, she got real bad real fast, and blamo, she's dead," the demon said, disinterested. He pulled an acrylic color wheel out of his pocket. "Gimme your hands and choose a color."

Charles, a bit shocked by his blasé attitude, obeyed his commands and picked out a lovely navy before he was able to speak. "Yes, actually, how did you-"

"I've seen basically every way there is for a breather to die, trust me." He pulled a corresponding bottle out of his pocket, setting to work. "But if that's how she died, she's definitely still in the system, there's mountains of extra stuff to go through when you die slow like that."

"That doesn't seem very fair." Charles said. He looked far off.

"It's not, plus you don't even have the option of coming back to Earth, dying like that leaves you messed up as a ghost for pretty much the whole 'free travel' time period. Blow on these, I'm gonna use a cream as an accent color." He put Charles's hand in front of his face, grabbing the other one. "I haven't told Lydia that yet, I didn't know if it would make her feel better or worse about the whole thing. Plus, last time we talked about your wife I was in the middle of giving Adam my own mom's leg so…"

"It might be for the best. She seems so sad lately, I thought she was doing better for a time there." Charles said. Beetlejuice was suddenly very, very interested in painting on Charles's base color, his jaw clenched, the green of his hair muddying.

After his other hand was done, he sighed, leaning back and closing the bottle. "Y'know, Chuck, there's something important I need to tell you."

"Lawrence…?"

"Don't- actually, it sounds fine when you say it, you can call me that. It's about-" he cut himself off, looking around like he heard something.

"About what?" Charles asked, looking around as well.

"Oh shit, BRB-"

He popped out of existence.


	8. Sir That's My Emotional Support Demon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tw for minor mention of the suicide attempt that happened in chapter 6
> 
> Beta'd again by cyberStevie! Everyone thank them!!!!!

"BeetlejuiceBeetlejuiceBeetlejuice-"

"Woah kiddo, give a guy some warning before you pull him through spacetime like th-Lyds?" She was clinging onto him almost as soon as he manifested. "Hey, what-?" He looked around. They were in an alley somewhere, dark without the streetlights. He could see just fine, but she must not be able to see much of anything.

"Some guy- Wednesday and I, we got separated, he grabbed me, I got freaked out and ran- I lost her, I don't know where I am or where she is or-" she was speaking very fast.

"It's ok, I'm here- where is here, by the way? We'll find her," he didn't sound quite so confident about that, but his hand on her shoulder was her enough to calm her down.

"I- we're in the Bronx still, I think," she peeked out of the alley.

"And where'd you lose her?"

"Over by the station where the F-train runs?"

"Got your phone?"

"Oh, yeah, let me-" she reached into her bag, pulling it out and unlocking it. He grabbed her free hand, leading her out of the alley and onto a street that had working lamps, even if they were dim.

"Oh geez, I'm gonna just call her before I find out where we are, ok?"

"Whatever you need to do," he said, looking around.

"Wednesday? Oh Wednesday I'm sorry, I thought I still had your hand, I-"

_ "I'm just glad you're ok! Where are you?" _ Lydia had set the conversation to speaker, and was fiddling with her map as she spoke

"I don't know yet, I summoned Beej,-

_ "- _ Hi cuz!" he added.

"We'll find you-"

_ "I'm up on the sixth floor of a fire escape." _

"What?"

_ "It was too much down on the ground, I texted you the address already." _

"We'll call again when we're there, unless you want to stay on the phone?"

_ "No, I have to call my parents to say you're coming to find me." _

"Alright," Lydia took a deep breath, "See you soon."

_ "See you soon." _ She hung up, and went back to the map, Beetlejuice watching her over her shoulder, occasionally taking time to glare at anyone who dared walk on their side of the street, gaining them a wide berth. 

"Got it," Lydia said after a minute or so, grabbing his hand again. "Follow me." They started making their way to the more crowded streets.

"So… before you summoned me I was about to tell your dad what happened the other night…"

Lydia turned and glared at him. "I thought you said we would do it together!"

"I did, but he got home early and we were talking about stuff and it just seemed like the right time," he held up his free hand defensively.

Lydia pulled a face and turned back to the direction they were going, practically fuming. "He hasn't called me so I'm guessing you didn't actually tell him anything?"

"No, not really."

"Good. We can talk about it tomorrow," she said shortly.

"No Lyds, we're talking about it tonight," he replied. She let go of his hand, whipping around.

"Why?! You already waited this long, why can't you wait one more day?!" Her tone rose, but she wasn't quite yelling yet.

"Because it's important! You can't just expect someone to keep that a secret forever, especially when they can't even give you the help you need!"

"Whatever, I'm not doing this now, we're finding my girlfriend and going home." Lydia said, turning back around and keeping both arms to herself.

"Kid, I'm just- fine." He sighed, sulking behind her. They had gone another two blocks when he asked, "You sure ran for a while, huh?"

He didn't get a reply. "Come on, don't give me the silent treatment…" Still no reply. "Scarecrow…"

"We're here," she said, tone flat. "Get ready to catch, she's taking the quick way down."

"What?" He looked up, and then "Oh!" held up a hand. Wednesday floated to the ground, landing softly. 

"Hello, and thank you cousin Betelgeuse. Lydia, I'm glad you're ok, when you took off like that I didn't know what was going on," Wednesday said.

"It was one of those instinctual things... Maybe tonight isn't the best night, should we head back to Grand Central?" Lydia suggested, rubbing one of her arms.

Wednesday sighed. "It might be for the best, we could try again next week?"

"Hey, you two have me with you, no reason the party has to stop now!" Beetlejuice said before Lydia could reply. "What were you going to do?"

"It's kinda touristy, but the gardens were having a late night tram tour..." Lydia trailed off.

"Then let's go! You two won't even know I'm there," he waved a hand in front of his face, disappearing his whole head. "I can still be invisible when I need to!"

"Cousin Betelguese, your head is in your jacket sleeve," Wednesday pointed out.

Beetlejuice tilted his arm, allowing his disembodied head rolled out from his sleeve and into his other hand, pouting. “You’re no fun.”

~~~

He stood on the subway cart, holding onto the handrail, watching the two girls lean on each other in the seat. Beetlejuice hissed at some poor guy that went to sit next to them, who promptly scrambled to a different seat. Lydia looked around, and started laughing.

"What?" He asked, looking around, Wednesday sitting up and rubbing the near-sleep from her eyes. Lydia kept laughing, eventually taking a deep breath.

"We look like we just came from some sort of goth formal dinner."

Beetlejuice looked between the three of them and joined her in laughing, leaving Wednesday still puzzled. "We always dress like this?"

"Exactly!" Lydia nearly shouted. Wednesday looked at her, and then Beetlejuice, and Lydia again, face softening.

"Well, I guess comparatively…" Wednesday said, smiling now. Lydia took a deep breath and leaned back against the window, still giggling a little. The train pulled into the busy station and they stood up, hopping out of the cart, Beetlejuice following them closely. They went up the stairs, to the ticket booth.

"Two Vermonters to Winter River and one Acela to Westfield, please," Lydia asked the ticket-person through the window.

"The next Acela doesn't leave for another six hours due to maintenance," they said back, disaffected. The three of them stepped away from the window, Wednesday wide-eyed and rapidly tightening and loosening one of her braid's nooses.

"What should we do?" Lydia asked, holding her bag in front of her.

"That's way too long to leave you here on your own," Beetlejuice added.

"I know, I know," Wednesday said. Lydia looked from her to the demon and back again.

"Could you come home with us?" She offered. Beetlejuice gave Lydia a look, but then considered the situation.

"We can always get you home tomorrow," he said.

Wednesday nodded. "Let me just ask, I know Lurch is staying with his mother tonight, so even if there's a long wait time tomorrow I won't be alone." She pulled out her phone and typed something rapidly. The three of them waited anxiously for the ping back. After a few minutes, it came. "Mother and Father think it's a wonderful plan." They collectively breathed a sigh of relief.

Marching back up to the window, Lydia asked for 3 Vermonters, and they went down to the tracks to wait. 

The train pulled in, and they sat down in the group seating, Wednesday and Lydia next to each other with Beetlejuice opposite of them. They chatted for a while before they both fell asleep, the demon watching the night pass by out the window.


	9. End of an Arc

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MAJOR TW for talk of suicide and minor tw for talk of forced hospitalization. Lydia's family finally discusses what happened in chapter 6.
> 
> Thanks again to cyberStevie, our beta!

The doorbell rang, and a raspy voice projected itself into the living room. "Two of my arms are full of sleeping kids, someone want to get the door?"

"I always forget he can do the voice throwing thingy," Barbara said, grabbing said door. On the porch stood a demon, holding a gothy teen in each arm. 

"Don't worry, Cuz's parents know she's here," he whispered. "I'm gonna go put her in the guest room and Lyds in her bed. Then I think we need to have a," he paused, making a face, "family meeting- no talking crystal this time Debrah."

"Delia," Delia whispered back, annoyed. He floated up the stairs so as not to jostle them, and the other adults moved to the table. After a couple minutes he dropped down through the ceiling, grabbing a chair.

"So…" Adam started, once Beetlejuice had sat down, "What did you need to talk to us about?"

"Lydia. She's been in a real bad spot lately and she's been begging me not to let you guys know but…"

"Oh," Barbara said, "Adam and I heard, from the window, we didn't want to bring it up until she did."

"Everything?"

"Yeah, everything."

Beetlejuice nodded. Charles spoke up. "Care to explain?"

The three dead people looked at eachother, a psychic game of rock-paper-scissors taking place before Adam spoke. "Lydia tried to kill herself again on Tuesday night."

"And you kept this from me?!" Charles was standing, Delia looking shocked.

"I gave her a deadline. I was going to tell you with her, when she got home, but then," he gestured to the door, "that happened, and I wasn't gonna wake her up to be like 'hey Lydia I know you just had a hard time getting lost in this big city'- Which, by the way, wow, haven't been there since that shirt factory went up in smoke, there's so many people -"

"The point, Lawrence," Charles said. He had his head in one of his hands now, and was pacing.

"I didn't want to make her talk before she was ready, but it's not something I wanted to keep letting her put off. Besides, I can't let her hurt herself so she couldn't even though she wants to," Beetlejuice finished, rather plainly. "And I broke the window so she can't get out onto the roof."

"Did she give you a reason?" Charles asked, sitting back down again and staring intently at the menagerie of ghosts.

"Kind of?" He ran a hand through his hair, looking at the floor. "She… she's in a lot of pain, emotionally, not even about her mom all the way anymore, and it doesn't help that she's beating herself up because she feels like she shouldn't be."

"Charles," Delia started, thumbing her necklace, "I know you hired me to life coach her, but if this is the second time… We need to find her an actual therapist, someone who has experience with suicide and depression. I'm out of my depth, and crystals and essential oils and positivity can't fix everything."

The whole room looked at Delia, shocked.

"What?! Depression is a disease just like any other and I'm not going to play doctor when it's my dau- my step-daughter's life on the line." She set her mouth in a thin line, shoulders back.

"She's right," Adam said, holding Barbara's hands.

"She needs to be able to grow up and not feel like that," Barbara added.

Charles nodded, head in his hands. "We… we can start looking on Monday, unless we should bring her to the hospital?"

"No!" Lydia called, skidding down the stairs, Adam and Barbara caught her mid-air before she could face plant, floating her over to the table. "Beej, you said you wouldn't let them, that we would do this together! I'm not going! I'm not!!!"

"Scarecrow, calm down, how long were you there for? I didn't even get a chance to say no!"

"Lydia, it's ok, we're not going to make you do anything you don't want to," Delia added. Adam and Barbara set her down.

"I've heard enough!" Lydia yelled. "You're, you're gonna make me go away and- and I- you- you can't make me!"

Adam stood up, putting a hand on her shoulder and kneeling slightly so they were at eye level. "Lydia, listen to me." She crossed her arms, looking at the floor. "We're not going to send you to the hospital if that's how strongly you feel about it. But we are going to make sure you get help, no matter what that looks like."

She nodded, looking around at the adults. Charles stood up and went to her, Adam backing away slightly. He wrapped her up in his arms.

"Lydia," Charles started, slowly, holding her gently, like she would break if he hugged her any harder. "I know I'm not the best at showing it, even with trying, but I love you so much." He pulled back a little, holding her face in one of his hands, eyes teary. "I don't know what I would do if I lost you too."

"Dad…"

"It's the truth, you're the most important person in the world to me."

"Dad," she choked on the word, and hugged him tightly.

"Just promise me, promise me you won't try again. If you ever feel like that, just tell one of us, even if it's not me."

She nodded into his chest, murmuring a "I promise."

~~~

"I couldn't help but overhear some of your conversation with your parents last night," Wednesday said, sitting behind Lydia on her bed, brushing her hair. Lydia stiffened, pulling away to look at her like a deer in the headlights. Wednesday cocked her head. "Needing psychiatric help is nothing to be ashamed of. My brother and I have been seeing Dr. Black since he had his boy scout phase and I ran away from home."

"You listened in?" Lydia asked, incredulous.

"Not on purpose. Once I realized all the shouting was a private conversation I did my best to not listen, apologies. But my point still stands," Wednesday said, putting down the brush as she spoke.

Lydia flopped backwards, leaving her head and legs dangling off the sides of the bed, then lifting her head up to look at Wednesday. "Promise to not share what you heard?"

"Cross my heart," she used the hand the wasn't holding the beginning stages of the knot in one hand, crossing her chest with her pinky with the other. They sat like that in silence for a while. Wednesday finished braiding and knotting her other braid before speaking again. "Before I go home, would you like me to teach you how to use a crossbow?"

"You had one in your backpack this whole time?" Lydia asked, laughing a little in disbelief.

"Of course, I never leave home without it!" Wednesday said.

Lydia thought on it for a moment, then sat back up. "Yeah, I think that would be nice."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact! Dr. Black is a canon character and pediatric psychiatrist that shows up in the 60s sitcom(which is what the Addams in this are mostly based off) that the Addams children actually do see. It's played for laughs because the issues are in Pugsley's case, a non-issue, but it's not oHoHo ThE CrAzY aDdAmS beLoNg On ThE FuNnEh FaRm it's played as "Mortica and Gomez are caring parents who want the best for thier kids and may be going a bit overboard and or fumbling a little but they are geniuenly trying thier best." 
> 
> I promise Lydia & Delia will visit the Addam's next chapter


	10. Re-Enter, The Addams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Delia and Lydia meet the Addams, formally
> 
> Thanks again to cyberStevie for beta'ing! They're now marked as a co-creator!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so sorry this took so long! In other news, this and little slices of life may be going on a short hiatus while a related secret project it worked on. You'll hear about it by this time next week, most likely!

Lydia rubbed the rose petal in her fingers, turning its velvety texture into a purple-black mush as she watched the highway pass by. Delia was singing along to some bright 2000s pop song, swerving in and out of the lanes in that special way that gets people told they should try race car driving, and not as a compliment. Lydia checked her phone again, smiling at the little black heart emoji.

After so much happening in the past couple weeks, what with starting real-once-a-week-not-step-mom-life-coaching therapy and trialing meds and being tag-teamed by Barbara, Adam, and Delia into agreeing to a sweet 16 ("I've already had a bat mitzvah!" "But we weren't there for it!") and finals, she was happy to just get to see Wednesday without having to worry about train schedules and the like.

Delia whipped off the ramp, barely slowing down. Lydia nearly dropped the flowers in grabbing for the roof handle. "Almost there!" She nudged Lydia with an elbow, "Excited? Ner-vouse?"

"Well, I mean," Lydia started, "I don't have any reason to be, I think?"

"It's ok to be, though! I think it's very cute, a whole formal thingy," Delia said, glancing over at Lydia occasionally. Lydia nodded, and went back to obliterating the petal.

They pulled to a stop and Lydia nearly scrambled to get out of the car, clutching the roses in both hands and bouncing on her heels in front of the gate, which creaked open ominously on its own. Delia took her own time, barely even noticing the foreboding air.

They traipsed up to the door, Lydia pulling on the doorbell with an ear-splitting clang. The door creaked open, Lurch taking up most of the doorframe. He murmured a greeting.

"Good to see you again, Lurch!" Lydia said, smiling widely as he snatched the hat off her head and led them inside. In the living room, Morticia was folding up her knitting, and Gomez and Wednesday were shooing some spiderlings into a box.

"Just a minute!" Gomez called out, handing the box to Wednesday and standing up, brushing off his hands on his pants. He walked over and shook Delia's hand enthusiastically as Lydia gave the flowers to Mortica. "It's so good to meet you, Delia, right?" She nodded. "Thank you so much for having our Wednesday over the other week, we worry so much sometimes, but," he looked towards Mortica, eyes full of love, "you have to let the bat fly out of the cave sometime. It's good to know she has people looking out for her."

"Well," Delia started, "I'm sure you would do the same for Lydia, if it came to it!" Gomez nodded.

After handing off the flowers, which Morticia took with a "These will wilt beautifully!" Lydia slid down next to Wednesday, greeting her with a quick shoulder squeeze and giving the bear rug a quick scritch behind the ears, much to it's purring delight.

"Are those your spiders?" She asked, gingerly picking up one that had managed to avoid being caught.

Wednesday grabbed her hand and held it flayed open, letting the spiderling crawl of its own violations. "Yes, be careful, you don't want to stress them, they're very fragile and just growing into their setae. I'm not quite sure whether they've figured out how to shoot them or not yet. They're Hapalopus sp. Colombia- or pumpkin patches."

"They're adorable," Lydia said, watching the baby tarantula explore her hand, leaving said hand in Wednesday's.

They stayed like that, just watching the spider, until Morticia called out, "Pugsley, Grandmama, Fester, it's time for tea with our guests!" They stood up, quickly putting the spiderling into the box and placing it on one of the side tables. 

Wednesday knocked on the box next to it, a hand popping up out of it. "Don't use that box," she said plainly, pointing to the spiderlings's home. Thing gave a thumbs up, and retreated back into their box.

Pugsley slid down the banister, jumping off at the end, and greeted Delia quickly but politely before coming over to the girls. He leaned against Wednesday, much to her chagrin, and gave Lydia finger guns. Lydia, smiling, gave them right back.

Hester and Fester came next, from the hallway that lead from the basement. "Really?" Fester complained, "I was just getting my turn in the stocks!"

"Fester," Gomez said, throwing an arm over his shoulder, "We'll make sure you get your turn later, in the meantime we must be good hosts!" Hester had already began to discuss pendulums with Delia the second she had noticed her necklace.

They all talked for a while, of various things, with Hester taking Delia off deeper into the home to discuss crystals for a short time, then bringing her back. And then...

"And of course, the traditional sparring match," Morticia added, standing up and ringing the bell. "Every suitor must have one."

Lurch filled the door frame in a heartbeat. "You rang?"

"Yes, dear Lurch, would you bring in the weapons rack?" Morticia smiled brightly. Lurch nodded and left.

"Sorry, sparring?" Delia asked, wide eyed.

"An old family tradition!" Gomez said, grabbing Morticia's hand. "Why, I remember our first match. Our swords, glinting in the moonlight while cousin Deliria howled from afar…" he trailed off, starry eyed.

"She does have such a lovely singing voice, doesn't she?" Morticia replied, equally lost in memory. There was an awkward silence from the rest of the small party until the scraping of wood on wood became nearly deafening, and Lurch pushed in a rack of varying well polished bladed weapons.

"Oh, right then," Gomez said, snapping out of it first, "Girls! Take your pick!"

"J-just a minute!" Delia stuttered as Lydia began looking over the rack Lurch offered to her, "Lydia and I just need to talk! Life coach to step daughter!" She pulled her out of the room and into the hallway. "Lydia! You can't-those are real!" She whisper-yelled, one hand on the girl's shoulder.

"Yes I can," Lydia said confidently, "besides, what do you always say about success?"

"Not with live weapons!" Delia looked between the door and Lydia, distressed. "Do you really want to do this?"

Lydia faltered. "I- Well I- It's not like I have to ki-hurt anyone, this time, and I trust Wednesday, I trust her alot, and I want to…." She trailed off.

Delia rubbed her face, thinking, thankful for setting powder. "Ok, Lydia, I want you to know you don't have to do this. We can just go back to the pri-us and go home-”

"No!"

She looked up, "But I'm not going to make you do that either. What happens from here is up to you." Lydia nodded, determined, and walked back into the living room, which was now cleared out with a chalk circle drawn at the center. In the center of the circle stood Wednesday, holding a wicked looking axe.

After some consideration, Lydia hefted a large claymore, almost taller than her, and shifted it around in her hands. It was lighter than she expected, especially for its size. She turned to face Wednesday, holding the sword like a baseball bat. 

Gomez looked wide eyed at Morticia, and whispered, "Cara Mia, she's never used a sword!"

"Now Gomez," Mortica said, "She's already killed her first man, this is all a formality."

Lydia's eyes widened, and she let the blade down. "H-how did you know? We-" she looked to Delia and back to Morticia, "we never told anyone?"

Morticia winked playfully at her. "A woman's intuition. We won't pry for details." Lydia nodded solemnly, shaken a bit at the unwelcome reminder of what had already been floating around her mind.

Fester shook his head, stepping to the center of the circle. "Alright!" He said, "We'll go over the rules for Lydia's benefit. 3 points to win, a point's earned upon any contact." He looked over to Gomez and Mortica, "All limbs attached?"

"All limbs attached?" Delia squeaked, suddenly very much regretting not just taking Lydia and running.

Morticia nodded, "All limbs attached." Lydia breathed a sigh of relief, and Fester muttered something about everyone being too soft nowadays, stepping out of the circle.

Lydia made the first move, clumsily stepping forward and gently poking at Wednesday with it, who grimaced, swatting the flat of the blade away from her with a hand and looking to her family. "Mother, Father, we're not doing this." She put her axe down. Lydia sighed with relief again and followed suit, gently laying down the claymore next to it.

"But Wednesday!" Morticia gasped, "it's a tradition, don't you want to-"

"I know it's traditional," she looked to Lydia, grabbing her hand, "but I'm very fond of Lydia and she's obviously not comforting sparring like this, so we're not going to, and that's final."

Gomez, Morticia, Hester, and Fester turned to each other, whispering in hushed tones as Wednesday's confidence faltered. Pugsley mouthed a "Good luck" to her, arms crossed but face genuine. 

Eventually, Gomez broke the circle and went to Wednesday, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Wednesday," he started, "You're right." The tension drained out of the room "We should've asked before springing this on you two and making sure you were both comfortable." He sighed. "I'm very proud of you for standing up for the two of you."

Lydia looked wide eyed from the other Addams, to Delia, who was in a similar state of disbelief, to Wednesday, who was smiling slightly with her shoulders now relaxed.

Fester sighed, and walked over to them. "Well if you two aren't going to be using it, and we already have all the stuff out," he picked up the claymore, pointing it at Gomez and smiling, "might as well get some use out of it, eh Gomez?"

The other man smiled widely, kissed Morticia's hand and grabbed a rapier from the tool stand by the fireplace, jumping back into the circle as Lydia and Wednesday rapidly backed off. "En garde!" He shouted, and they were at each other.

~~~

Lydia, uncharacteristically nervous, looked at Wednesday, rubbed her shoe's toe in circles in the dirt. "Come on Lydia, we have to go~!" Delia called from the car.

Lydia steeled herself, and kissed Wednesday quickly, shouting "Love you, bye!" As she practically sprinted into the prius. Wednesday, surprised, barely managed to whisper a "you too," before Pugsley was nearly hanging off her shoulders.

"She kissed you!" He exclaimed dramatically, "My dearest little sister got kissed by a girl!"

"Pugsley," Wednesday groaned, face in her hands but not bothering to actually shrug him off.

"I didn't embarrass you the whole time she was here, I get this." He said smugly, then shouting, "My little sister got kissed by a girl!!!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A hint for the first chapter of the secret project
> 
> https://youtu.be/La4Dcd1aUcE


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't blame cyberstevie for this


	12. This Was Supposed To Be For Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for the Deetz-Maitlands-Addams-Shoggoth annual haunted house

"Skye, are you sure this is a good idea? This is supposed to be the scariest haunted maze on this coast," Prudence asked, eyeing the maze warily. Somewhere, a clock rang ten.

Skye smiled, almost serenely, and adjusted her polyester cape. "I know the people who run it, they buy from me every year." She lisped a little through her fake fangs.

"B-but your heart-" Bertha started.

"I'm here for a good time, not a long time," Skye said easily.

"We're 13, what kind of good time are you having?" Prudence exclaimed.

Skye didn't reply, just turning to walk the rest of the way up the hill. She slipped some of her allowance into the donation box and opened the gate, waiting until she heard her friends catch up to go inside.

"Oh. It's empty," Bertha said, disappointedly looking at the unpainted plywood walls, door at the end covered with streamers fluttering lazily in the wind.

"Maybe they're still setting up? They did just open two days ago," Prudence suggested.

"But how'd they get a reputation already? Maybe it's a trick?" Skye looked around, puzzled. "Let's go through anyway." The other two nodded, and they headed for the door.

And they headed for the door.

And they headed for the door.

And they headed for the door.

"Okay, it should NOT be taking this long to walk over there," Prudence finally exclaimed. She broke off from the group, sprinting at the door. She was barely a foot ahead of them when she froze in place, looking frantically at the walls. Skye and Prudence both put their hands on her shoulders and the world around them was suddenly squeezing in, plywood scent overwhelming. The door was even further away.

Skye lit up like a christmas tree. "I told you everyone was telling the truth!" She shouted, bouncing on her heels. The fabric of her cape caught on the rough walls as they inched closer. The other two did not share her enthusiasm.

"Yeah, but," Bertha gestured to the door with the arm that wasn't being smushed into Skye. Prudence turned sideways.

"Oh, they'll stop it eventually! Same with whatever treadmill thing they have going." Skye repositioned herself so she was in the middle of the two of them.

"The ground is dirt," Prudence said, tense. She was still trying to get to the door, inching along with her back to one wall, warily eyeing the enclosing one.

"Well, maybe it's forced perspective?"

"Can you two just move?" Bertha moaned. They obeyed, inching closer to the door at a more reasonable speed as the walls kept pushing in on them. By the time they got to it, there was scarcely enough room to breathe, Skye's pacemaker making an ugly scraping sound against the wood.

It was pitch black through the door, much cooler, and somewhere something hummed incredibly loudly and continuously. Skye stepped forward and cringed as the floor squelched, making a small noise of distress. 

"The floor-" she murmured. The other two girls daren't take a step forward, hands still holding hers, "-is not dirt."

"Skye-"

"The floor Skye what's-"

"W-what's the floor?"

She shuddered. "I don't know but it's gross and cold and I CAN FEEL it THROUGH my SHOES."

Suddenly, the humming was replaced with a soft hiss. The ground jumped and splatted back down, and in the black there was the clunking of many soft, heavy objects.

"IT TOUCHED MY LEG," Prudence squealed.

"I TOLD YOU TEAM ROCKET WAS A BAD COSTUME IDEA," Bertha replied, thankful for pants.

"We have to get through," Skye moaned through gritted teeth. "If we just move forward."

They all made small hums of affirmation, and took a step further into the mystery substance. The soft and heavy tendrils suspended somewhere above them had to be shouldered through, but at least they were dry and didn't put up too much of a fight.

The floor jumped two more times before they got to the next door, to their collective disgust, but with a sigh of relief they entered.

The air temperature dropped even further, and it was strangely silent. There was no tarp roof over this section, the moon a yellow eye above them. Bertha and Prudence pulled closer to Skye. She put her cloak around them.

"I-is it over?" Bertha stuttered, looking around fearfully. The room was still supernaturally dark with the bright sky, and the shadows shifted and writhed around them. 

Something cold and wet, and then something warm and wet, dripped onto the three of them, and Prudence let out a pathetic yelp. They looked up in unison to see four pairs of glowing red eyes and so so many teeth covered in a fine foam perched above them. A forked tongue licked the air as the heads drew up into the sky and roared, impossibly loud.

They ran, Bertha pulling Skye and Prudence along. The ground shook behind them as the monster slammed its head down, and someone screeched. They were disoriented in the dark, the only thing for certain the monster's hot breath behind them.

In the corner of the room, one of the three clones looked up from their game of triple solitaire. "Hey, does it look like she's actually going to eat them?" The other two looked up, gaze following Sandy as she chased the girls around the makeshift room, occasionally snapping at their heels.

"Nah," said the clone who was trying to pull a red queen out of the deck.

"'Sides, she can't even eat them till they're dead," said the clone who was pulling Pokemon cards out of his sleeves. 

The trio nodded sagely, and looked back to the game of Yu-Gi-Oh the first had set up while they were distracted.

Eventually they found the break in the tarp and sprinted through, watching behind them to make sure they weren't followed. They clung to each other, breathing hard as the adrenaline started to wear off. After they had almost caught their breath, they noticed the shoes of the person standing in front of them. Slowly, one by one, they looked up the striped pant legs to meet the eyes of a head held, neatly decapitated, at waist level. The clone's neck spurted blood once every couple of seconds, the sploosh of it being the only sound other than the girls' ragged breaths.

"Boo," he said, plainly.

Skye keeled forward, eyes rolling back into her head as her heart monitor beeped frantically.

"Skye!" Prudence shouted. Both her and Bertha, having been trained by Skye’s parents in case of something like this, dropped to their knees and maneuvered her into the recovery position. The clone jumped back in surprise. 

"What are you doing, call 911!" Prudence shouted at him as Bertha timed Skye's pulse.

"I- what? I don't have-" the clone stuttered, holding his head up but not reattaching it. "Chuck! We've got a problem I think?" He called out, shifting his head nervously to look between the girls and the entrance to the next room.

"Lawrence wh-" a man in a hockey mask with a cheesy plastic chainsaw ran in, then stopped short upon seeing the passed out child. He took the mask off. "What did you do?!"

"I didn't do anything, also I'm not the boss-"

"She's having a tet spell, I can't find her meds, please call 911 her parents don't know we're-" Prudence started as Charles kneeled next to her, Bertha still counting.

Then, Charles screamed.

Skye's hand was wrapped around his wrist, and she was looking up, eyes still rolled back in her head. Bertha and Prudence breathed a simultaneous sigh of relief as she laughed and sat up.

"That's not funny Skye! We thought you were dying!" Prudence huffed as Skye wiped a tear from her eye.

"I was! Only a little bit. My meds are in the pocket in my cape, help me stay up so I don't pass out again." The three of them obeyed, Charles sighing with relief as the color started returning to her face.

"Where are your parents?" he asked as she dry swallowed the pill Bertha handed to her. "You shouldn't be going to-" he noticed Skye rolling her eyes as he started his lecture and stopped. "What's their phone number?"

At that, all three girls went pale, and looked between each other. Then, after a quick nod, they turned back to him.

"PLEASE PLEASE don't tell on us we-"

"Just started being able to go out for something other than girlscouts we'll-"

"All be grounded till college if-"

"They'll put me in homeschool!"

"We'll never see each other again please-!"

Charles placed his head in one of his hands, waving the other one. "Stop, stop, I have a daughter, I know what you're doing. I won't call your parents, but I can't let you go through the rest, and also you're banned."

There was a collective disappointed "Aww."

"How long does it take for those to kick in?" He asked, ignoring the sad display they were continuing to put on.

"About thirty minutes," Skye answered, pouting. Charles stood up, picking back up his chainsaw and looking to the clone who had affixed his head back on in the meantime.

"Lawrence-"

"I already told you, I'm not the boss. Literally the only thing we have in common is the clothes and the hair, " the clone huffed, "I don't even do the color change thing."

Charles cocked his head. "I don't see it." The clone shook his head. It came loose a little. "Just redirect anyone that comes through, ok? I'm going to start shutting down for the night." Then, louder, "Lydia! Wednesday! I need you two in here!" 

After a couple seconds they entered through the same door he had come through earlier, each covered in a swarm of various species of live spiders, including a matching pair of Goliath Bird Eaters functioning as fluffy and stylish hats. Lydia and Skye locked eyes.

"You!" Lydia exclaimed, surprised.

"You!" Skye copied, accusatory.

"You two know each other?" Charles asked. The clone whistled a showtune-ish number while pointedly looking away.

"February," Lydia said, smiling too-wide apologetically. The clone added in jazz hands. Charles just cringed a little, and sighed again.

"I just need you to watch them until she's good to leave, and get them back past Sandy. We're closing for the night."

"But it's only 10!" Lydia said.

"And it's only the first week of October. We can go later tomorrow night." Charles replied, leaving before she got the chance to argue.

The clone continued to whistle some vaguely familiar song while the group of teens all stared awkwardly at each other. Lydia went to scratch the back of her head, remembered the bird-eater, and thought better of it.

"So…" Prudence started eventually, eyeing the spiders warily. "Cool maze?"

"Yeah… we uh. Put a lot of work into it," Lydia replied, glaring daggers at the clone, who was now doing a complex hambone routine to the song he was still whistling. "Sorry you got sick from it, is that… new?"

Skye started to shake her head, then thought better of it. "No, I've always had tetrolog- a heart defect." She laughed a little, "I thought I was gonna die for real when you and your… friend? Uncle? Did that haunted house. But you paid for the cookies! And when I came back this year he just said some funny stuff about being a demon, your mom was really nice."

"Mom?" Lydia started, puzzled, then realized, "OH, she's my stepmom. Was wondering where she got those cookies from this year. I uh. Didn't think you'd be back."

"Yeah," Skye laughed nervously again, trailing off.

Wednesday, Bertha, and Prudence were all looking everywhere except each other. They stayed that way, air so tense and awkward you'd need the chainsaw Charles took with him to cut it, until Lydia yelled at the clone to knock it off and Skye stood up with only minor wobbliness.

"I should be good to go, if you have to start cleaning up," Skye said, as Bertha and Prudence both helped steady her.

"The dark should be cleared up by now anyway, we'll just lead you out," Lydia said, grabbing Wednesday's hand softly and leading the way.

Sandy was already curled up in the corner of the now appropriately bright room. She lazily flicked her tongue at them as they walked past. 

"How do you get an inflatable to look so real? I swear it was chasing us earlier," Prudence wondered aloud.

"She is real," Wednesday said flatly. The three younger girls just chuckled nervously. There was the squelching noise of the floor in the next room jumping, and they all flinched.

"Calm down, it's just spaghetti and fire hoses. You all didn't even get to the real stuff," Lydia said, holding up some of said fire hoses for them to walk past easier. The new knowledge did not make the texture any kinder, but the air compressor had worn itself out, and the next jump was more of a pathetic flutter.

The plywood hallway was just a normal, if slightly small, room again, with plenty of room for them to walk through. "If you want your donation back," Lydia started.

"We're good! Do you need pictures or anything?" Skye replied.

"Hair," Wednesday said.

"Hair?" Asked the trio, in unison.

"So you can be banned." She was as plain as ever.

Lydia sighed. "It'll just make it so you can't get through the door to the maze while it's up." The girls nodded, no less confused, and each quickly plucked and handed over a piece of hair.

"Thanks," Lydia started, "Sorry about-

Skye interrupted her, waving her hands. "It's ok!" She looked to Bertha and Prudence, and then nodded. "Bye!"

"You know," Wednesday said, watching them walk down the hill. "They don't even make girl scout cookies out of real girl scouts." Lydia just laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoujokakumei: ok so other than bugs, cornfields, and slashers, what are some other horror things for the haunted house
> 
> Me: *checks the list of fear entities from the magnus archives* have you tried,, slaughter? No? Oh it’s because it’s three little girls? okay i guess dark?


End file.
